THIS IS IT! ITS TIME TO HIT THE ROAD

WOW!  I am in complete awe of the fact that I am actually following through with the decision to move.  I should try to count the amount of times I have told Bailey that I would move somewhere with her, and then never did!  I know why I never went, this is CRAZY HARD!  I cry at the drop of a hat anyways, now its a victory for me to go an hour without tears.  I am sitting here in my room that looks so pathetic with the "heart of it all" taken out.  All my pictures are gone, a lot of my clothes are out of here and everything that made it feel cozy is packed.  Its sad…..

But one of my favorite things about saying goodbye was realizing that one of the very hardest goodbyes was my sister in law.  When PJ and Emily first got married, I NEVER thought we would have the relationship that we have now.  I am beyond blessed by the woman my brother chose, good grief, he's beyond blessed, he lucked out :)  Emily has become a sister, I prefer to drop the in-law because she's in my inner circle now!  She's a great mother, and wife and all that, but most of all, she is an incredible support, an incredible cheerleader and THE MOST GRACIOUS person I have ever met.  She should really not be nice to me after some of the things I put her through.  I have loved having a sister, having someone to talk through everything with.  Sometimes I would prefer to talk to her over my brother, and nobody has ever held that status before.  I love to see how Gods plans turn out so much better than our own.  Emily is an incredible addition to our family and I didn't see it for a time….but for sure, now I do!

I have an 11 hour drive, I have never driven that long, ever….kinda intimidating, but even more intimidating when you have a car packed to the max!  Then Wednesday, its time to hit it hard with the job search.  Not only is it completely unlike me to pack up and move, its totally out of my realm of thinking to move somewhere without a job.  WHAT!?!  Whose idea was this?  Ridiculous!

But before all that, I have to say goodbye to my mom.  The single most difficult moment of the entire adventure.  I don't know how to leave her.  I don't know how to trust that she's going to be ok, I don't know how to be the one that hurts her.  I love our Sunday lunches and shopping.  I love when I am sick knowing she will be right there.  I love knowing I can cry on her shoulder.  I love knowing she is ok.  I love being her daughter.  Our relationship isn't perfect, but really she is the BEST shopping partner, she is the BEST supporter and cheerleader, she is the BEST at reading me.  We just have a rhythm.  She's just my mom and I love her the most.  Now we are just going to be crazy worried about each other.  I just cant tell you how hard this is.  I have no idea if its because its because she's a widow, so it really is the two of us or if its just this hard to move away for most daughters.  But her being alone really does add to the nervousness.  PJ and Emily move in September to Africa and at that point, all her children will be gone.  What in the world is the Lord doing?

Well this is it, with tears streaming down my face, I can honestly say, I hate that this hurts this much.  I am excited to see my friends in Dallas and to see a new city, but this is going to be a challenging experience to put myself out there and make new friends.  It doesn't come easily for me to walk into a room and just start talking to people, especially when I am the outsider.  I am SO NERVOUS for that.  I have never ever had to build a whole new network of friends outside of college.  In college you atleast have a few hundred or more people who need to make new friends, but when you move to a new city, everyone already has their friends.  They don't need to make new ones.  Talk about a journey of purely trusting the Lord.  One time a friend challenged me that in every conversation I have, to try to find a way to bless the other person rather than waiting for the conversation with that person to bless me.  With that kind of attitude, its no longer a conversation of awkwardness of whether or not they are going to like me, but totally about if I can be Christ to them.  And at the end of the day, we truly are called to be Christ to others.