This is how it all started….

Its hard to know where to begin with this story.  But basically, in the beginning of January I started going to a bible study at Johnston Evangelical Free Church (my home church that I was raised in) and joined woman of all age groups to go through a bible study by Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer, and Beth Moore.  What a HUGE blessing my time with them was.  Seriously, I loved my Monday afternoons with them!  Such Godly woman to discuss the Word with!  And obviously the bible study was amazing, I love these speakers and totally felt that the whole study was written just for me.  It spoke directly to my heart.

Lets take a step back for a moment….I am going to be very honest, the last year and a half has been very difficult for me.  I have questioned my faith a lot, made decisions that weren't the best and just really started to realize that I just didn't believe that God would anymore.  I believed that God had all power, but He just didn't seem to be using that power, He seemed to have forgotten that I have lost enough, hurt enough, and been through enough.  So walking into this study, I was empty, I was still loving my Lord but living pretty half hearted and constantly braced for what else He was going to take out of my life.  My dad passing away was enough and then I had two very heartbreaking relationships and the cherry on top of all of this was that the Lord called my brother and his family to Africa.  My niece Sarah had always felt like the life that we had been given after my dads life was lost.  She filled a little bit of that hole, I really cherished that.  And then the Lord chose to take her HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD!  Thats not an easy one for me to take and then theres my beloved Aiden who melts my heart every time I pick him up and he lays his little head on my shoulder.  Love that more than anything!  He is such a comic!  And then theres PJ and Emily who have walked through the best and worst moments of the last six years.  They have constantly been my sounding board and my shoulders to cry on.  They are my family, I need my family.  But my plans for my whole family to all stay right here, comfortably together, is not the Lords plan.  So all that to say, thats where I was at in life when I walked into my bible study that first time in January.

Kay started us out by speaking out of Hebrews.  Now let me tell you, I LOVE Hebrews.  When I was in Moody, I took a class on it and the professor he taught this class was unreal, it was incredible. (now that same professor was my most feared professor when I took him for greek….he made me cry quite a few times.)  Kay focused on how the Hebrews had been heros of faith and had regressed to such a point that they were now merely infants in their faith.  That struck hard.  This was my story.  And as I sat there and listened to Kay speak, I heard the voice of the Lord tell me, its time to move.  Its time to step out in faith and go on an adventure just me and God.  Time to be in a place that I don't have a whole town full of people I can lean on and depend on and move to a place where I only have a few.  Time to learn to trust Him again.  And through the daily lessons, I was reminded to trust in the Word!

"If you cling to God's Word - believe Him, obey Him, not turn away no matter how difficult it gets - you will be able to preserve, to possess your soul.  Your soul is what makes you, you.  Faith wins!  It keeps your hear and mind under control."  So basic, but such a great reminder.   My faith makes me who I am and I have felt lost for the past year and a half.  When I question my faith, I hate the person I become!  In day to day life I see a drastic difference.  The Holy Spirit definitely helps me control my tongue, temper, and temptations.  

I have so much from this study that I learned, but that would make this post an entire book!  As I continued to go through the weeks I felt the Lord continue to reassure that God is more than able to surprise me.  Not just able, but able to do beyond what I can even think to ask for.  So as I considered heading out Iowa, He continued to assure me this is what He was calling me to, but through this all leaving my mom, and my friends, and my job, and all the comforts of my life seemed beyond overwhelming.

But heres the best part of the story…the Lord knows my heart and my mind for sure because when He has something for me, He cant deal with me in simple ways, He needs to make a neon sign over it and do a little dance for me to get the clue that He's really serious about it!  I had all but decided I couldn't do it, couldn't face leaving it all behind…..and then I went to church!

I walked in late, sat in the last row by myself and wasn't super pumped about being there….but once again the Lord wrote this just for me!  This was probably the best sermon I have ever heard at Valley.  Pastor Quintin had 4 points (1) God has a purpose.  Am I listening? (2) There are no accidents.  How does God want to use me? (3) Expect push back.  How will I respond? (4) Opportunity knows at unexpected times.  Am I ready to see lives changed?   All four of those points spoke to heart and my thought life on this decision.  I was definitely challenged by this.

But my favorite moment was when the Childrens Pastor came up to me and said that the Lord laid things on his heart that he felt he needed to tell me.  All the things he said really didn't make that much sense to him and he had no idea if it would even affect my life.  The words he spoke, spoke straight to my heart of hearts of why I had to continue forward in this adventure.  Those words took all of the other reasons for moving or not moving off the table.  At that moment, I decided I was moving because God said so.  Its that basic.  When people ask me why, its hard to say.  I don't have a persuasive reason, I have one reason, He said so.

Now maybe this isn't such a cool story to you, maybe it doesn't hit you that hard.  But coming out of 6 years of feeling like God wasn't near, didn't care and really wasn't a comfort….it is so intense for me to have Him speak so strongly and comfort so fully!  Some things are so personal, that no one can truly understand it.  But its been so encouraging and so exciting!  It kills me to leave so many people, and I will cry a lot, but its worth it!  Its so worth it!