The Interrupted Life

Are there even words for the past 2 weeks?  Its been emotional to say the least.  As I have continued to tell my clients and bring things to a close in Des Moines, I have doubted my decision more and more each day.  This is so outside of my personality to do something like this, walk away from people, and walk away from  a job that I like.  Not only that, but I am moving to a place that I literally know almost nothing about.  I have gotten A LOT of negative feedback from friends and coworkers and as much as of a people pleaser as I am, that is torture.

At the end of each day, I cant believe that I am following through with this.  I have been worried about the weather down there (I forgot to consider how HOT it is there!), if I am going to be able to make friends, if I can even navigate a new town, will I be able to find a job, will I miss my family too much….. I practically have panic attacks when I think about it!  And people around me continue to reinforce my fears and continually tell me I will never last down there.  Normally that would make my resolve stronger, but this time it is only help to break it down.  This time I am hearing what they are saying and terrified that they might be right.  But can someone decide I wont last because I don't know the exact location of where I will be or because its hot down there (its cold and icy here and yet I have stayed for 29 years!!) or because I am leaving so much behind?

I joined my Monday bible study today in the study that they are going through on Jonah: A Life Interrupted.  Once again, the Lord was so good and affirmed that this decision isn't about what people think of me (both here in Iowa and in Dallas as I try to build friendships) but about following Him as He has spoken to me!  We all know the story of Jonah and can obviously pick out important principles but to really be reminded that God called Jonah to something that he was not only not excited about but he literally ran away from.  Thankfully, I am excited to move to Dallas, but its just so unknown.  In the past two weeks, I have been a little tempted to back out….even though at this point- thats not possible, I'm too committed at this point.  But throughout this process in the past few months I have joked that I am afraid if I don't move willingly, God is going to send a tornado to carry me down there- that is how serious He is about.  

I was reminded that God doesn't often call us to a life within the confines of our comfort zones, He's doesn't need my help to take care of my mom, He doesn't need me in my friends lives to fulfill them.  What He has called me to isn't dependent on my emotions!  He is calling me OUT of my comfort zone, OUT of my life that makes sense and INTO a period of my life that I am forced to look only to Him to supply my needs!  My God is the I AM, He is all that I need and holds all power to supply for the simplest and smallest desires of my heart.  I am blessed to be called out and into a place to experience exactly that.

One of my favorite points in this lesson was that she pointed out that there were two other prophets in Jonah't time…..but God didn't call them to go to Nineveh, He didn't use them as back up, they weren't even a consideration in the plan.  God called Jonah to something different.  He didn't have the same plan for him, and we see from Jonahs reaction that he definitely wasn't pumped about God's different calling on his life.  I too often look at  my life and am continually perplexed by why my life is so different then the norm and so DRASTICALLY different than the plan I had laid out for my life.  I had a great plan, a plan that would serve the Lord….and include a husband and kids….about 4 years ago.  How are my friends a marriage and 3 children past me?  Where did I miss the boat?  Why do they still have their families alive and close by?  OR why are they so much more successful then me?  What do they have that I don't?  WHY IS MY LIFE SO DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I PLANNED?  And what is my response going to be?  Am I going to run away and pay a huge price for that decision?  Or am I going to surrender and remember that when God places an abnormal calling on my life, it is because He has an abnormal result already prepared that He wants to produce in me!!


‎"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I 
were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." - Galatians 1:10  

I cannot wait to see what the Lord is going to do in and through my life!